It has come to this. Canada’s coffee-loving community has become so oversaturated with Tim Hortons that we react with indignation when a location is not immediately available.
Consider the students in the University of Windsor’s Human Kinetics department, who find their faculty building a 15 minute walk from the nearest Timmies.
Maclean’s reports that student Adam Oran launched a petition to have a Tim Hortons outlet placed in their building.
A post on the “Lets Get a Timmies in HK” Facebook page reads:
Not only is HK home to a thriving student population, it is home to at least 450 students, professors and faculty on any given day. These people are hardworking students, athletes, and staff worthy of a good cup of coffee.
It is not the first time student outrage has prompted a Tim Hortons revolution.
Mount Royal University in Calgary expanded their Tim Hortons presence last year, after students complained of long lineups and demanded action.
A college in Sault Ste. Marie, Ont., installed a security camera to keep tabs on how long the Tim Hortons lineup is at any time.
What exactly is the deal with Tim Hortons? It’s like they put something in their coffee that makes it irresistible to students and teachers.
And shift workers and mothers and politicians and athletes and, oh my God, they’ve gotten to everybody!
The coffee chain has gotten more than enough good publicity as of late, what with being at the heart of a Canada-centric episode of How I Met Your Mother and winning the social media world by making “The Priestley” — the Frankenstein doughnut proposed by former heartthrob Jason Priestley.
Canada’s online community went gaga over the whole affair. Even a glowing Chicago Tribune editorial about Canada couldn’t help but make an obligatory mention of our love of double-doubles.
There may be a conspiracy to tie Canada’s cultural identity to this omnipotent chain of coffee joints. What is the end game, you ask? It is simple: Controlling public perception.
When a politician says they spoke to someone at Tim Hortons, we take for granted that the opinion that person shared is an accurate representation of the country as a whole. The wider the coffee chain’s reach, the more likely it is that politicians will find a customer that supports their view on a particular subject.
Yes, this conspiracy goes all the way to Parliament Hill. There’s a Timmies just around the corner from there, by the way.
Our temporary on-campus office is boring so we decided it needed more Nicolas Cage.
Can’t wait for the carbon monoxide to get out of our real office.